October 6, 2006     

NOTE FROM DAVE:

According to various reports, CBS
Paramount Television will offer an
enhanced version of “Star Trek: The
Original Series” with new state-of-
the-art CGI visual effects. Here
are some things to look for in
these enhanced DVDs.

The Top 10 Improvements to “Star
Trek” With Today’s Special Effects

10> Sadly, even adding these hyper-cool special effects to such
an already brilliant concept still doesn’t impress the women
like you thought it would when you show it to them in your
mom’s basement.

9> Too racy at the time, scandalous Tribble mating scenes now
included! In close-up and slo-mo!!

8> Lieutenant Uhura, Yeoman Rand and Nurse Chapel now all sport
spectacular DD cups!

7> Spock’s ears now extra pointy!

6> “Reversing polarity” now looks like it actually would save the
ship.

5> Digitally edited out all the little “pup tents” Sulu would get
whenever one of those beefy Starfleet security fellows
strolled by.

4> Re-shoot the fight sequence from “Amok Time” with fighting
moves from “The Matrix.”

3> We can finally use the Orion slave girls as an indication of
how chilly it was on the set that day.

2> Photon torpedoes now 53% more phallic!

and the Number 1 Improvement to “Star Trek” With Today’s Special Effects…

1> Due to looser television standards, the Vulcan neck pinch is
replaced with the originally planned Vulcan nut squeeze.

.

Credits:

Selected from 44 submissions from 13 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Douglas Bishop, Fort Wayne, IN — 1, 3
Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 2, 5, Topic
Tom Rodman, Durham, NC — 4
Dan Thompson, Austin, TX — 6
Bruce Kane, Charlotte, NC — 7
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA — 8, 9
G. Griebenow, Johannesburg, S. Africa — 10
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — SF List Moderator