NOTE FROM JOHN:

Admit it. You think it’s going to suck, too.

The Top 8 Changes Made So
“Jurassic Park III” Won’t Totally Suck

8> A return to the “pathetic lawyer cowering on toilet seat gets chomped” formula that made the first installment so deeply satisfying.

7> Velociraptors replaced by a horde of rabid chihuahuas.

6> Mr. Hammond dresses up as Colonel Sanders and starts serving serious buffalo wings.

5> Significantly improve script by allowing Roger Corman to rewrite it.

4> Give human characters brains at least as big as the dinosaurs’.

3> The kids are now 16. It’s not just the dinosaurs that are breeding.

2> Cameo appearance in which Cha-Ka gets eaten by Sleestaks.

and the Number 1 Change Made So “Jurassic Park III” Won’t Totally
Suck…

1> Raptors with frickin’ laser beams on their frickin’ heads.

.

Credits:

Selected from 44 submissions from 13 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI — 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
Mike Sarno, Towanda, PA — 2
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 3, 6
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — 4, 8, RU Banner Tag
David Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA — 5
Kristian L. Jensen, Gothenburg, Sweden — 7
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 8, HM Banner Tag
Charles d’Olive, Waterloo, IA — Topic
John Mozena, Grosse Pointe Woods, MI — Prime Director