March 14, 2001      Share

NOTE FROM STEVE:
Steve Hurd here, Top5 Relationships’ “Icon of Love.”
Our first list was a huge success… as judged by
the low death threat count (stayed below 100!) and
that I didn’t receive any *new* restraining orders
from former girlfriends or local taxidermists.
After this week’s list, there’s information about how you,
too, can become a list contributor. Gain the respect of
your significant other, partner, spouse or parole officer
by contributing to the Internet’s best weekly relationship
humor list moderated by one of my parents’ favorite children!

The Top 7 Yard
Sale Pickup Techniques

7> “Can I get the candelabra, riding crop, and antique bed
as a set?”

6> “If I thought they’d work for me the way those hair rollers
of yours work for you, I’d buy these used underpants faster
than you can say ‘Skidmark!’”

5> “Wasn’t it Jean-Paul Sartre that said, ‘Existentialism is
a 3/4-used, Christmas Scene bottle of Old Spice After Shave’?”

4> “And this cardboard box is full of my late husband’s power
tools… you know after the shock of winning the state
lottery, poor Herman’s heart just couldn’t handle the twice
a day sex and gourmet meals”

3> You squeeze her breasts and ask the seller “How much for this
perfect anatomically correct mannequin?”

2> “Stick with me honey and your yard sale days are over. It’ll
be nothin’ but flea markets, green stamps, and Pabst Blue
Ribbon from here on out.”

and the Number 1 Sign That a Fight With Your Significant Other is
Imminent…
1> “Will you take $20 for the Lava Lamp, the goat and the
little girl”?


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Credits:

Selected from 44 submissions from 22 contributors.
Today Top5 List authors are:

Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 1 (Woo-hoo! 1st #1)
Brian Bell, Seattle, WA — 2, 6
Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 3
Victoria Capps, Pensacola, FL — 4
Esteban Schwartz, Walnut Creek, CA — 5
Curt Alford, Beaumont, TX — 7
Wake Kwon, Birmingham, AL — Topic
Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA — Head Cashier, RU list title

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