August 22, 2001      Share

Steve Hurd here, Top5 Relationships’ “Reunion Survivor.”
Amazingly, I was NOT the only “still single” person at
my 20th high school reunion, but I was the only Top5
List Moderator. With this week’s list, we offer guidance
to those who need it most: the recently bereaved.

The Top 10 Worst Things to
Say at Your Spouse’s Funeral

10> “Can we hurry this up? I have a tee-time in fifteen minutes!”

9> “Does anybody want to adopt my kids? Anybody?”

8> “You know, I donĀ¹t think I’ve ever seen her with her mouth
closed before.”

7> “Oh, the white stuff on him? He always said that when he
died, he wanted to be cremoraed.”

6> “If he’d been this stiff while he was still alive, I wouldn’t
have had to hire that personal trainer. Or the pool boy.”

5> “I had them dress in a bathing suit, as it’s going to be
pretty hot where she’s going.”

4> “Whew! I’m glad that’s over. I was almost out of oatmeal
and antifreeze.”

3> “I will not rest until I find the REAL killer!”

2> “Tell me, is that a tofu burrito in his pants or is he
just happy to be dead?”

and the Number 1 Worst Thing to Say at Your Spouse’s Funeral…
1> “Next!”



Selected from 54 submissions from 19 contributors.
Today Top5 List authors are:

Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 1, 3, 9 (Woohoo! 1st #1 / Hat Trick)
Ticker Lock, Gillette WY — 2
Ken Pace, Phoenix, AZ — 3
Brent McDaniel, Atlanta, GA — 4
Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 5, 8
Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA — 5, 10
Eric Severstad, Appleton, WI — 5
Julie Nusbaum, Hamilton, IN — 6
Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 7
Joe Terranova, Lake Orion, MI — Topic, RU List name
Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA — Grim Reaper