April 4, 2001      Share

NOTE FROM STEVE:
Steve Hurd here, Top5 Relationships’ “Serial Monogamist.”
Most of us experience at least one (and only one IF
we’re lucky) “blind date.” Some of these blind dates
blossom into love, marriage, children, eternal bliss, etc.
Still others result in therapy, litigation, restraining
orders, etc. As you can imagine, we here at Top5
Industries have far more experience with the latter…

The Top 10 Signs You’re
on the Blind Date from Hell

10> She sends the food back because it’s undercooked, despite
the protests of the sushi chef.

9> She’s wearing a sexy micro-miniskirt, but wait… are those
testicles?

8> He has this weird little moustache, speaks only German and
begs you to help him invade Czechoslovakia.

7> Your waiter is a dead ringer for Bill Gates and you think
that O.J. Simpson just parked your car. (Oops! Those are
signs that you’re on a blind date *in* hell.)

6> During the first 20 minutes of your blind date, you officially
qualified for 3 of the 5 next episodes of the “Jerry Springer
Show.”

5> The “convention” isn’t so bad, but he *insists* on talking
dirty to you in Klingon.

4> She keeps the thermostat set at about 120 degrees and the
blood-curdling screams coming from the basement are
downright terrifying.

3> When you take a peek at his CD collection, it’s limited to
some old Tony Robbins motivational CDs and a signed copy of
Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby.”

2> You find out just a little too late that a “Succubus” isn’t
what you thought it was.

and the Number 1 Sign You’re on the Blind Date from Hell…
1> Sexkitten69 described herself as an 17 year old blond lingerie
model, but the only people waiting for you in the park are a
couple of overweight, middle aged cops.


.

Credits:

Selected from 48 submissions from 16 contributors.
Today Top5 List authors are:

Amanda Butler, Provo, UT — 1 (Woo-hoo! 1st #1)
Curt Alford, Beaumont, TX — 2
Victoria Capps, Pensacola, FL — 3
Justin Bartel, North Newton, KS — 4
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 5
Esteban Schwartz, Walnut Creek, CA — 6, Topic, RU name
Brent (not Brett!) McDaniel, Atlanta, GA — 7
Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 8
Joe Terranova, Lake Orion, MI — 9
Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 10
Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA — Monk-in-Training

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