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August 8, 2001      Share

NOTE FROM STEVE:
Steve Hurd here, Top5 Relationships’ “Spokesmodel”
It was pointed out to me that last week’s runner’s up entry,
“I’d rather clean all the bathrooms in Grand Central Station
with my tongue,” comes from the “Weird Al” Yankovic song,
“One More Minute.” Top5 deals exclusively in original humor.
The involved contributor and I humbly apologize for the error.

The Top 9 Signs You are “Whipped”

9> ³I, James, um…am taken by you, Barbra…²

8> You wear the pants in the family? Okay.
You file income taxes as head of household? Okay.
You have an ankle bracelet that keeps track of your
every move, and she has the monitor? Bingo!

7> The last three movies you’ve seen lacked gunplay, fist fights,
car chases and the English language.

6> The only order she lets you give is for the Extra Crispy
Chicken at the drive-thru (so she doesn’t have to cook).

5> Cool-Whip and Reddi-Whip are locked in a bidding war, trying
to hire you as their spokesman.

4> Recently a vegan activist, now you serve and eat Spam for him.

3> You agree to watch Oprah with her because she… oh hell,
any man who’ll watch Oprah with his woman is whipped.

2> It was hard to convince the other lads to let her put that
“Revolution #9″ crap on the White Album, but man, it was
worth it!

and the Number 1 Sign you are “Whipped”….
1> Your dog looks first at you, then at his testicle-less crotch,
and shakes his head knowingly.


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Credits:

Selected from 39 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today Top5 List authors are:

James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 1, 7 (4th #1)
Neal Miskin, Vancouver BC — 2
Maura Scholl, Mt. Prospect, IL — 3
Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA — 4, Topic
Joe Terranova, Lake Orion, MI — 5
Alan Phillips, Wenatchee, WA — 6
Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 8
Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 9
Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA — Souffle Chef, RU title

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