February 6, 2002     

NOTE FROM STEVE:

Steve Hurd here, Top5 Relationships’ “Torch Fluffer”
This week, we join many of the other Top5 Mini-Lists in a salute
to the Olympics (the only way we know how!)

The Top 9 Reasons Your Ex
Won’t Win an Olympic Medal

9> The biathlon does not consist of bitching and whining.

8> Why bother? Her lawyers got MY medal along with everything
else I own.

7> No competition yet for most controlling boyfriend ever.

6> Because those cute USA figure skater bodysuits don’t have
“expanda-ass” stretch panels built in.

5> Despite her missing front teeth, she doesn’t actually play
hockey.

4> Frilly panties and fishnet garters hurt his aerodynamics.

3> Three words: Krispy Kreme diet

2> The restraining order filed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir
covers 12 western states.

and the Number 1 Reason Your Ex Won’t Win an Olympic Medal

1> Hell, maybe he could. He always was a quick finisher.

.

Credits:

Selected from 46 submissions from 18 contributors.
Today Top5 List authors are:

Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 1 (3rd #1)
Fran Fruit, Winnekta, IL — 2
Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR — 2
Joe Terranova, Lake Orion, MI — 3, RU List Title
Holly “Wolf” Black, Bellevue, WA — 4
Kenneth R. Feucht, Oakdale, MN — 5
Victoria Capps, Pensacola, FL — 6
Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA — 7
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 8
Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 9
Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA — The Latvian Judge