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March 28, 2001      Share

Steve Hurd here, Top5 Relationships’
“Greg (don’t call me Gaylord) Focker.”
They said we’d never make it to our 4th list.
They were wrong.
And who the hell were “they” anyway?

The Top 8 Excuses for
NOT Visiting Your In-Laws

8> All the furniture is covered in plastic, but you leave one
little piece of latex around the house and they *never* let
you forgot about it.

7> Ever since Grandpa got drunk and told stories of his lonely
teenage years on the farm, your children wake up screaming
from nightmares about goats.

6> “I’d love to go, but your parents suck the very life from
the core of my being, leaving me an empty shell of a man
and destroying all of my hopes for the future. That, and
UCLA plays Duke tonight”

5> You enjoy the fava beans and Chianti, but have never acquired
a taste for the “wild game” your father-in-law serves.

4> Your search for the *real* killers hasn’t won them over.

3> “But sweetheart, I had my heart set on going curtain shopping

2> “Sean, every time we visit, Yoko insists on singing a new song.”

and the Number 1 Excuse for NOT Visiting Your In-Laws…
1> Every time you go over there, Rex runs up and starts humping
your leg. It’s an uncomfortable few minutes while your wife
pries her father from you.



Selected from 76 submissions from 29 contributors.
Today Top5 List authors are:

Brett McDaniel, Atlanta, GA — 1 (Woo-hoo! 1st #1)
Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 2
Zak Tyler, Charleston, WV — 3
Chris Hansen, Parts Unknown — 4
Esteban Schwartz, Walnut Creek, CA — 5, Topic
Kenneth R. Feucht, Oakdale, MN — 6
Amanda Butler, Provo, UT — 7
Julie Nusbaum, Hamilton, IN — 8
Steve Hurd, Oakland, CA — Patriarch
Randy Newman, Los Angeles, CA — Ambience
“SuzanPeachFuzz”, Fort Morgan, CO — RU List Title