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November 7, 2001
Advantages of Dating a Smoker
9> Dating the Lord of Evil could be handy for revenge against
your ex. (Oops! You mean someone who smokes *cigarettes*!)
8> If she refuses to do that nasty sex thing, just hide her
smokes, wait 3 hours and “negotiate.”
7> Your lifelong goal is to date a social pariah and child
molesters are just *so* hard to find these days.
6> It’s like marrying an old millionaire, except the cleaners
are better at removing the smoke odor from your drapes than
“old guy smell.”
5> Phone sex? Raspy!
4> Two packs a day for six more months and he’ll have enough
Camel Bucks to get the designer oxygen tent.
3> Cigarette burns give your sofa that valuable “retro” look.
2> She’s the ultimate in accessorizing: Her discolored fingers
perfectly match her yellow Versace suede pants.
has no way of determining if you’re hitting the strip clubs.
Selected from 46 submissions from 16 contributors.
Today Top5 List authors are:
Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA — 1, 8 (Woo Hoo! 1st #1)
Victoria Capps, Pensacola, FL — 2
Brian Bell, Seattle, WA — 3, 4
Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA — 5
Patrick O’Driscoll, St Louis, MO — 6
Brent McDaniel, Atlanta, GA — 7
Andrew Irwin, Christchurch, NZ — 9
Steve Hurd, Melbourne Beach, FL — Tobacconist, Topic