February 4, 2009     

Hooked on Phone Sex

NOTE FROM TRISH:

Everyone’s writing a book these days. And if
you’re a celeb — beloved or notorious –
cha-ching! So our stealth detectives combed the
bookstores to see who’s writing what these days.

The Top 9 Celebrity
Relationship Bestsellers

9> “How to Raise a Classy Young Lady in a World Full of Cheap
Little Trollops” by Kathy Richards, Dina Lohan and Lynne
Spears

8> “Opportunities in Destitution: A Foreign Bride Guide for Top5
Contributors”

7> “Translationing for your Presidentialist Man” by Laura Bush

6> “How to Make Your Husband a One-Woman Man” by Mrs. Brigham
Young (the seventeenth)

5> “How to Score Four at Four Score” by Hugh Hefner

4> “It’s Not You, It’s My
Straight-for-the-Sake-of-My-Country-Music-Career Facade” by
Kenney Chesney

3> “How to Stalk and Trap the Perfect Mat,” by Sarah Palin

2> “Adopting the Hotties” by Woody Allen

and the Number 1 Celebrity Relationship Bestseller…

1> “How to Mend Fences with Your Ungrateful Pig of a Daughter”
by Alec Baldwin

.

Credits:

Selected from 29 submissions from 8 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 1, 4 9th #1
Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC — 2
Andrew Hoenig, Rockville, MD — 3, 5
Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 6, 7
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 8
Julie Nusbaum, Hamilton, IN — 9
Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA — Advice Columnist

RUNNERS UP list — Who Ya Gonna Call? Ghostwriters!

“Even Marc Anthony Has Flaws” by Jennifer Lopez and Cleopatra,
Queen of the Nile

(Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)

“How to Keep Your Relationships Always Looking Up” by Verne
Troyer and Dr. Ruth

(Andrew Hoenig, Rockville, MD)

“How to Live with a Butterface” by John Edwards

(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)

“How to Share Kitchen Utensils” by O.J. Simpson

(Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY)

“Keeping Stedman on a String” by Oprah

(Dave Oberhart, Durham, NC)

“Marrying For Life” by Zsa Zsa Gabor, forward by Liz Taylor

(John Newsome, Eastman, GA)

“Really Cute Just isn’t Enough” by Debbie Reynolds and Jennifer
Aniston

(Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)

“Sarcasm and Judgment: The Keys to Happiness” by Simon Cowell

(Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)

“Secret Affairs: How to Keep Them That Way” by William J.
Clinton

(Julie Nusbaum, Hamilton, IN)

“That’s Hot: My Deep Philosphical Thoughts on Dating,” by Paris
Hilton

(John Newsome, Eastman, GA)

“The Working Girl’s Guide to Being a Great Mom” by Britney
Spears

(Julie Nusbaum, Hamilton, IN)

“Your Marriage Can Help Launch Your Career” by Katie Holmes and
Tom Arnold, forward by K.Fed

(Julie Nusbaum, Hamilton, IN)