May 27th, 2008
NOTE FROM THE SPEAKER:
Researchers at Massachusetts’ redoubtable
Hampshire College have developed a robotic
squirrel (named Rocky, natch) to live among
real squirrels to help decode squirrels’
communication techniques, social cues and
survival instincts. But how would we know
if such a squirrel were to run for office?
Hampshire College have developed a robotic
squirrel (named Rocky, natch) to live among
real squirrels to help decode squirrels’
communication techniques, social cues and
survival instincts. But how would we know
if such a squirrel were to run for office?
The Top 9 Ways You Know a
Candidate Is Really a Robot Squirrel
Candidate Is Really a Robot Squirrel
9> Scandal erupts when it is found to be spending time with a $4000-per-night Ford Escort.
8> In addition to cash donations, the campaign is also asking people to send walnuts. And RAM chips.
7> “No one can touch Social Security where I have hidden it, not even me.”
6> Claims to have invented the internet.
5> She just loaned herself 20 million metallic acorns.
4> His Secret Service code name: “Nutdroid.”
3> Gets halfway through a debate response, then turns back 1/3 of the way, proceeds forward 7/8 of the way, stops and looks at you, then goes back to where the question started.
2> He’s forced to drop out when pics appear online of him “preparing toast.”
and the Number 1 Way You Know a Candidate Is Really a Robot Squirrel…
1> All ads end with “I’m Sammy XZ-5423-Gamma, the robotic squirrel, and I approve this message.”
.
Credits:
Selected from 18 submissions from 6 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 1, 8
Mark Sweatt, Marietta, GA — 2, 3, 6, 7 (Four score!)
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 4, 5
Russell Cannon, Anniston, AL — 9
Josiah Bartlet, Manchester, NH — Banner tag
The Speaker, Washington, DC — The Speaker
RUNNERS UP list — Up A Tree
Its #1 issue: Turn off the freakin’ overhead power lines!
(Randy Lee, Burke, VA)
Its vice-presidential nominee: A dimwitted titanium moose.
(Neil Chandler, Basking Ridge, NJ)
Lists favorite snacks as “ecorns and firewalnuts.”
(Randy Lee, Burke, VA)
The campaign staff has more wingnuts than Ron Paul’s.
(Russell Cannon, Anniston, AL)
The Secret Service apprehends a husband-and-wife team of Russian agents armed with a cannonball with a fuse sticking out of it attached to a magnet.
(Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL)
(Randy Lee, Burke, VA)
Its vice-presidential nominee: A dimwitted titanium moose.
(Neil Chandler, Basking Ridge, NJ)
Lists favorite snacks as “ecorns and firewalnuts.”
(Randy Lee, Burke, VA)
The campaign staff has more wingnuts than Ron Paul’s.
(Russell Cannon, Anniston, AL)
The Secret Service apprehends a husband-and-wife team of Russian agents armed with a cannonball with a fuse sticking out of it attached to a magnet.
(Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL)
