NOTE FROM MITCH:

Longtime Fed chairman Alan Greenspan is retiring shortly.

The Top 10 Things on
Alan Greenspan’s To Do List

10> Yell at all those damn Keynesians to get the heck off his lawn.

9> Get a prescription to Viagra, to solve his “inflation” problem.

8> Short the S&P 500. Jack interest rates to 35%.

7> Mental Note: Begin pestering Lucas for cameo shot in next Star Wars movie as Yoda’s grandfather.

6> Take a gag photo of himself and a Shar-Pei wearing glasses.

5> Prank-call Fed each week and ask if their economic forecast generator is running.

4> Try using a different photo on HotOrNot.com.

3> Slug a fifth of Beam, get jiggy with the morning lumber, blow a wad at the track - same as every other day…

2> Inform his long-suffering wife that from now on, he’s going to “increase the prime interest rate, baby!” and then waggle his eyebrows.

and the Number 1 Things on Alan Greenspan’s To Do List…

1> Phone Madeleine Albright; apologize for last weekend’s irrational exuberance.

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Credits:

Selected from 25 submissions from 7 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 1, 4, 6, 8 (Hat trick! 11th #1!)
Dawson Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA — 2, 7
Ron Tibbins, Reno, NV — 3
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 5
Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD — 9
Adam Smith, Jamestown, ND — 10
Mitch Berg, St. Paul, MN — Humor Reserve Chairman
Cyndi Lauper, NY, NY — Ambience