March 8, 2002     

They say the man who represents himself in court
has a fool for a client. But when that man is also
a genocidal maniac, he can use all the help he can
get. So as Slobodan Milosovic continues to defend
himself at the Hague, we offer:

The Top 7 Pieces of Legal
Advice for Slobodan Milosovic

7> Avoid objections based on the witness being a “lying dog whom
I should have slaughtered with the rest of his kind.”

6> Suggest to the French judge on the tribunal that your
connections could retroactively award the French Ice Dancing
pair winners of the 1984 Sarajevo Gold Medal.

5> “It depends on the definition of the word ‘genocide.’”

4> Each day, pick a juror and compliment him/her on his/her
attractive choice of clothing.

3> Plead 200,000 individual acts of temporary insanity.

2> “I did not have genocidal relations with those people, the

and the Number 1 Piece of Legal Advice for Slobodan Milosovic…
1> “After my wife had our fifth child, I just got so



Selected from 26 submissions from 8 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Jeff Oakes, Tacoma, WA — 1, 2, 5 (Hat trick!)
Slick Sharkey, Miami, Florida — 1, 3
Larry Baum, Hong Kong — 4
Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 6
Bob Roth, Fairfield, IA — 7
Michael Sheinbaum, King of Prussia, PA — Minister of Propaganda