Top5 Politics

Euphemisms for Window Dressing

So how do we tell them what we know without telling them what we know?

NOTE FROM THE SPEAKER:

Last week, the chattering classes were aflutter over Barack Obama’s use of the phrase “putting lipstick on a pig” to describe positive spin of a bad idea. What other phrases might he have used?

The Top 9 Euphemisms for Window [...]

Surprises at the Republican Convention

This administration doesn’t even need an opposition party, you know that? We do fine by ourselves.

NOTE FROM THE SPEAKER:

Okay, the Dems have had their turn. Now, what was surprising about the GOP’s Twin Cities Twist?

The Top 9 Surprises at the Republican Convention

9> Hundreds of Minneapolis hookers tipped with school vouchers.

8> Cindy McCain and [...]

Surprises at the Democratic Convention

I worked with these people for two and a half years. They like to win and then they like to gloat.

The Top 9 Surprises at the Democratic Convention

9> “PSYCH! I am a Muslim!”

8> The Rev. Jesse Jackson’s head exploding during the acceptance speech.

7> Mid-convention appearance of John McCain wearing a “Where’s Waldo” outfit.

6> Joe Biden’s over-rehearsed kiss of [...]

Dishes Served in the White House Mess

There’s two things in the world you never want to let people see how you make ‘em: laws and sausages.

The Top 9 Dishes Served in the White House Mess

9> Hail to the Beef

8> Filibuster o’ Fish

7> Heckuvajob Brownies

6> Decadent Layered Yellowcake

5> Barack of Lamb

4> G.O.Pea Soup

3> Subprime Rib

2> Eggs Benedict McClellan

and the Number 1 Dish Served [...]

Radio Shows for Federal Employees

For the next 60 seconds, this website will conduct a test.

NOTE FROM THE SPEAKER:

Only in Washington: An entire radio station has been established to cater to the interests of federal employees. WFED and its Web counterpart, FederalNewsRadio.com, carry programs discussing legislation, federal employee benefits, agency issues, and other issues important to those in Club Fed. What kind of programs, you ask? [...]

Ways to Liven Up the Conventions

Of course I wrote a concession. What, you want to tempt the wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing?

NOTE FROM THE SPEAKER:

The party nominating conventions are fast upon us. Problem is, we know who the nominees will be and can largely predict the roster of speakers, so what should the parties do to arouse real public interest in [...]

Radovan Karadzic Poems

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any verse.

NOTE FROM THE SPEAKER:

Alleged Serb war criminal Radovan Karadzic was recently arrested after 13 years on the lam. Far from lying low, he had grown long hair and a bushy beard and (using a false name) become a prominent alternative healer and published journal articles and poetry. What kind of poetry does a [...]

Dubious Ways for a Columnist to Become Famous

All the news that’s unfit to print.

NOTE FROM THE SPEAKER:

Noted columnist Robert Novak, the man who outed Valerie Plame, among other achievements, is back in the news again after striking a DC pedestrian with his Corvette. How else might a political columnist get more public attention?

The Top 9 Dubious Ways for a Columnist to Become Famous

9> [...]

Differences If the Mob Ran the Government

Uncle Sal Wants You!

The Top 9 Differences If the Mob Ran the Government

9> State of the Union address replaced with annual Dispensing of Favors.

8> Out: IRS. In: The Federal Bureau of Our Cut.

7> New job: Secretary of a Little Bit-a Dis and a Little Bit-a Dat.

6> Taxes will be paid in cash and picked up by two gentlemen [...]

Things From Which We’re Glad to be Independent

What’s the good of being in power if you’re not gonna haul your enemies in for questioning?

NOTE FROM THE SPEAKER:

Now that the fireworks and burgers have settled, what are we really grateful to be free of?

The Top 8 Things From Which We’re Glad to be Independent

8> Carville/Matalin sex tapes.

7> That blasted Whig party.

6> [...]