July 22nd, 2008
The Top 9 Differences If
the Mob Ran the Government
the Mob Ran the Government
9> State of the Union address replaced with annual Dispensing of Favors.
8> Out: IRS. In: The Federal Bureau of Our Cut.
7> New job: Secretary of a Little Bit-a Dis and a Little Bit-a Dat.
6> Taxes will be paid in cash and picked up by two gentlemen in Members Only jackets.
5> Justice Antonin Scalia delivers the opinion of the court AND the dissenting opinion in ALL cases.
4> Osama bin Laden sleeps with the fishes.
3> “I *said* we’d be greater as liberators. Liberators, capice, Maliki?”
2> Dick Cheney still shoots you in the face, but later Bruno and No-Nose come by to finish the job.
and the Number 1 Difference If the Mob Ran the Government…
1> State funeral for Mr. Francis Albert Sinatra.
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Credits:
Selected from 33 submissions from 10 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Randy Lee, Burke, VA — 1, 4, Banner tag
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 2, 8
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 3
Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA — 5
John English, Provo, UT — 6
Russell Beland, Springfield, VA — 7
Russell Cannon, Anniston, AL — 9
The Speaker, Washington, DC — The Speaker
RUNNERS UP list — Uncivil Service
A concealed weapons permit bill passes the Senate by a vote of 145
to 32.
(Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA)
All countries would start paying protection to the U.S. so our nukes don’t “accidentally” go off.
(John English, Provo, UT)
Department of Homeland Security replaced with Department of Family Turf.
(Neil Chandler, Basking Ridge, NJ)
House Minority Leader: Representative A. Deadman.
(Russell Beland, Springfield, VA)
If the President says gas is now $2 a gallon, it’s $2 a gallon. Got a problem with that?
(John English, Provo, UT)
“It’d be a shame if you don’t honor this Congressional subpoena, Mr. Secretary. We wouldn’t want to see anything in the Department broken.”
(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)
No need for death row. The convicted just “disappear.”
(John English, Provo, UT)
The government would hold people in secret, tap their phones, and if you weren’t careful, the Vice President just might shoot you.
(Russell Beland, Springfield, VA)
Vladimir Putin caves on the missile defense treaty after waking up to a horse’s head in his bed.
(Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL)
Runners Up list name
(Randy Lee, Burke, VA)
(Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA)
All countries would start paying protection to the U.S. so our nukes don’t “accidentally” go off.
(John English, Provo, UT)
Department of Homeland Security replaced with Department of Family Turf.
(Neil Chandler, Basking Ridge, NJ)
House Minority Leader: Representative A. Deadman.
(Russell Beland, Springfield, VA)
If the President says gas is now $2 a gallon, it’s $2 a gallon. Got a problem with that?
(John English, Provo, UT)
“It’d be a shame if you don’t honor this Congressional subpoena, Mr. Secretary. We wouldn’t want to see anything in the Department broken.”
(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)
No need for death row. The convicted just “disappear.”
(John English, Provo, UT)
The government would hold people in secret, tap their phones, and if you weren’t careful, the Vice President just might shoot you.
(Russell Beland, Springfield, VA)
Vladimir Putin caves on the missile defense treaty after waking up to a horse’s head in his bed.
(Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL)
Runners Up list name
(Randy Lee, Burke, VA)
