April 10th, 2006



The Top 9 Things the Easter
Bunny Does in the Off-Season


9> Stands at the edge of Grace Slick’s bed wearing a top hat and sipping tea to convince her she’s having another acid flashback.

8> Plays “Hide the Easter Egg” with the Missus.

7> Searches for new egg supply lines not yet impacted by the avian flu.

6> Collects kickbacks from dentists all over Christendom.

5> Hangs out with Santa Claus, Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster and the scores of hot babes who want to date TopFive contributors.

4> Lobbies the medical community tirelessly on behalf of the urine-strip pregnancy test kit industry.

3> Keeps in shape by working at the greyhound track.

2> Screws with the heads of forensics experts everywhere by hiding eggs in the damnedest places.

and the Number 1 Thing the Easter Bunny Does in the Off-Season…

1> Prints and posts “Duck Season” signs.




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Credits:

Selected from 40 submissions from 14 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Scott Bostick, Lake Ridge, VA — 1, 8 (6th #1)
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 2, 7
Lisa Belville, Carbondale, IL — 3
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 4, 9
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA — 5, Banner tag
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA — 6
Rose Rieur, Avon, CT — Topic
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA — List Vet