April 2nd, 2007
NOTE FROM THE LIST VET:
A national survey of the bee population has
found that there are only half as many bees as
there were 50 years ago. What’s the buzz?
found that there are only half as many bees as
there were 50 years ago. What’s the buzz?
The Top 8 Bee Disappearance Theories
8> According to their attorneys, it’s none of our beeswax.
7> Gone into hiding until a moratorium is declared on beards of bees.
6> Many still incarcerated following that Sting Break ruckus in Fort Lauderdale.
5> They have taken up golf, joined the Republican Party and become WASPS.
4> Despondency over not having found a queen to follow since Freddie Mercury died.
3> Mysteriously vanishing whenever they get near the Bermuda Hexagon.
2> Flowers have gotten better at using their pistils.
and the Number 1 Bee Disappearance Theory…
1> Do you *know* how many stings it takes to get Angelina Jolie’s lips like that?
.
Credits:
Selected from 47 submissions from 17 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA — 1, 4, 6 (Purr-fecta!) (8th #1)
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 2, 3
Marlene K. Goodman, Wheeling, IL — 5
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA — 7
Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 8
Rose Rieur, Avon, CT — Topic
Jim Phynn, Horsham, PA — Banner tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA — List Vet
RUNNERS UP list — Buzzkills
Bee Wing Oil is essential in the manufacturing of iPods.
(James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)
God is such a massive Bee Gees fan that He decides to cut the bee population by 25% with the death of every Brother Gibb.
(Randy Lee, Burke, VA)
Hive real estate prices have skyrocketed beyond the means of the average worker bee.
(James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)
Less regulation and supervision means it’s cheaper to build hives and make honey in a third world country
(Lisa Belville, Carbondale, IL)
On an extended honeymoon.
(Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)
Rounded up by the authorities in a massive sting operation.
(Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)
Run right out of business by those soulless monolithic bastards at Hyv-Mart.
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)
They finally found the answer to the age-old question of “where have all the flowers gone?” And went there.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
(Rose Rieur, Avon, CT)
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
Runners Up list name
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)
(James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)
God is such a massive Bee Gees fan that He decides to cut the bee population by 25% with the death of every Brother Gibb.
(Randy Lee, Burke, VA)
Hive real estate prices have skyrocketed beyond the means of the average worker bee.
(James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)
Less regulation and supervision means it’s cheaper to build hives and make honey in a third world country
(Lisa Belville, Carbondale, IL)
On an extended honeymoon.
(Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)
Rounded up by the authorities in a massive sting operation.
(Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)
Run right out of business by those soulless monolithic bastards at Hyv-Mart.
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)
They finally found the answer to the age-old question of “where have all the flowers gone?” And went there.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
(Rose Rieur, Avon, CT)
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
Runners Up list name
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)
