August 4th, 2008
The Top 9 Steps in Catnip Rehab
9> Make a list of all persons we harmed, and became willing to ignore them all in the future.
8> Humbly forgive all of the dog’s shortcomings.
7> Admit we were powerless over catnip, and that– WHOA! There goes the mouse toy under the couch! GET IT! GET IT!
6> Vow that we will change our ways if our owner trashes that damn Roomba.
5> Admit to our owners that we liquidated their retirement account to support our habit.
4> Humbly ask that He… ah, screw it. Gimme a dime bag.
3> Admit to ourselves and another cat the extent of our wrongdoings and laugh our asses off.
2> Go cold tuna.
and the Number 1 Step in Catnip Rehab…
1> Admit (reluctantly) the higher power of the human with the water spray bottle.
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Credits:
Selected from 48 submissions from 18 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Judy Goodman, Wilmette, IL — 1 (4th #1)
Scott Bostick, Lake Ridge, VA — 2
Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY — 3
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX — 4
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA — 5, 8
Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD — 6
Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — 7, Banner tag
Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA — 7
Guy Reeves, Houston, TX — 9
Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — Topic
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA — List Vet
RUNNERS UP list — Admit You Have a Problem
Admit we were also powerless over tuna, string, squirrels, laser
pointers, birds, mice, sofa fabric and sunny windowsills.
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD)
Apologize to the mouse we just caught for killing 42 of its relatives while under the influence.
(Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA)
Come to believe that a power greater than our own (our owners) can help us overcome my addiction to catnip. (Note: No cat has ever made it past this step.)
(Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY)
Continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly blame the dog, rabbit, fish, bird, turtle, smallest child, etc.
(Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY)
Humbly asked Him to remove our owners’ shortcomings. After all, who gave us the catnip in the first place?
(Guy Reeves, Houston, TX)
Promise to replace our human’s quarterbag of marijuana we slobbered all over by mistake.
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)
Switch to beer.
(Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS)
Runners Up list name
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD)
Apologize to the mouse we just caught for killing 42 of its relatives while under the influence.
(Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA)
Come to believe that a power greater than our own (our owners) can help us overcome my addiction to catnip. (Note: No cat has ever made it past this step.)
(Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY)
Continue to take personal inventory and when we are wrong promptly blame the dog, rabbit, fish, bird, turtle, smallest child, etc.
(Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY)
Humbly asked Him to remove our owners’ shortcomings. After all, who gave us the catnip in the first place?
(Guy Reeves, Houston, TX)
Promise to replace our human’s quarterbag of marijuana we slobbered all over by mistake.
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)
Switch to beer.
(Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS)
Runners Up list name
(Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH)
