April 2, 2003     

The Top 8 Uses for
Michael Jackson’s Old Noses

8> Throw them into a blender, puree for 15 seconds, and - voila!
Silly putty for the kids!

7> Stunt double for a production of Woody Allen’s “Sleeper.”

6> Melt them down to make a chin for Eric Clapton.

5> Donate them to charity so that underpriveleged black kids
can grow up into scrawny, freaky white guys.

4> Macaulay Culkin has been tormenting Emmanuel Lewis in a
relentless game of “Keep Away.”

3> Drop them to leave a trail for David Lee Roth to find his way
back to Van Halen.

2> You can’t have them. Martha Stewart is already using them as
finger bowls.

and the Number 1 Use for Michael Jackson’s Old Noses…

1> Use them in a checkers match against Cher’s old body parts.

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Credits:

Selected from 27 submissions from 11 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH — 1, Topic (3rd #1!)
Nancy Vaine, Fairfield, CT — 2
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 3, 6
Dave Berman, Oakland, CA — 4, Banner tag
Tina Danecke, Ottawa, Canada — 5
Allan Rousselle, Redmond, WA — 7
Jane McCabe, Laguna Hills, CA — 8
David Toth, Milwaukee, WI — RU list name
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro