Previous list: 
February 28, 2007
recently by shaving off her long, blonde
hair, then going to get a couple of
tattoos. We’re sure her hair will end up
on eBay at some point, but if you’re the
lucky buyer, what would you do with it?
Britney Spears’s Hair
7> Give it to David Lee Roth for the upcoming Van Halen tour.
6> Weave her some damn panties, already.
5> Provide extra layer of insulation for K-Fed’s cardboard box.
4> Weave it into a comfy set of noise-cancelling earmuffs to
slip on whenever her music is playing.
3> Knit a sweater for Anna Nicole Smith’s baby.
2> Slap a bikini and headset mic on it and see if it can sing.
Selected from 44 submissions from 16 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Bill Martin, Los Angeles, CA — 1 (Woohoo! 1st #1!)
Erik Deckers, Syracuse, IN — 2
Rabbi Crut, McComb, OH — 3
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 4
Gary Reynolds, West Lafayette, IN — 5
Curtis Stoddard, Milwaukie, OR — 6
Brian Bell, Seattle, WA — 6, 7
Tina Danecke, Edmonton, AB — Topic
Matt Kall, Solon, OH — Banner tag
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro
actually grow up remembering they *have* a mother.
(Janis Spidle, Kansas City, MO)
Make “Bikini area toupees” for girls on chemo.
(Judith Cottrill, Bronx, New York)
Reduce to very fine powder, and sprinkle into the food of real
musicians to poison them, thereby making the world safe for
Britney and her ilk.
(Michele Lord, Lincoln, NE)
Britney clones: one to go to rehab; one to party; one to teach the
Mommy and Me class.
(Tina Danecke, Edmonton, AB)
Grind it up. Snort it. Who knows?
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Runners Up list name
(David Toth, Milwaukee, WI)