August 22, 2001     

NOTE FROM JEFF:

You’ve heard the stories about contract “riders” –
Diana Ross insists nobody make eye contact with her,
Van Halen requires a bowl of green M&Ms in their
dressing room, you can’t call Steven Tyler “Steve,” etc.
How ridiculous can it get? Pretty ridiculous…

The Top 9 Unusual
Contractual Demands of Musicians on Tour

9> Tony Bennett: Harry Connick, Jr. in the bathroom holding a
bowl of mints and a fresh towel.

8> Staind: No jovial countenances, as may be implied by smiles,
high-fives and/or general jocularity, are to be encountered by
any band member as this may adversely affect their down.

7> Tom Waits: One medium-sized bottle of bituminous coal
mouthwash in dressing room an hour before the show.

6> Rolling Stones: Keith Richards’s coffin must contain the soil
of his native land, not that cheap crap from Wal-Mart.

5> Limp Bizkit: All groupies wishing to file paternity suits
against Fred Durst will be referred to the band’s e-commerce
website.

4> Dixie Chicks: No catering from KFC.

3> Eminem: Those fruity liquor drinks better have some f**king
umbrellas in ‘em, bee-atch!

2> Marilyn Manson: Hot, fresh Starbucks Chai latte, turkey and
avocado on a croissant (Grey Poupon mustard, hold the mayo),
the most recent issue of People, and early Frank Sinatra
playing on the stereo.

and the Number 1 Unusual Contractual Demand of Musicians on
Tour…

1> Bob Dylan: Heyn ewwoo deh spik do heeem shoo tehhk leh dehhh.

.

Credits:

Selected from 32 submissions from 11 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 1 (2nd #1!)
Colin Ritchie, San Diego, CA — 2, 9
Whit Watson, West Hartford, CT — 3
Jonathan P. Bernick, Conway, SC — 4, 5, 6 (Hat trick!)
Andy Grosser, San Francisco, CA — 7
Lissa Loadholt, Charlotte, NC — 8
Bill Martin, Los Angeles, CA — Banner Tag
Matt Kall, Cleveland Heights, OH — Topic, RU list name
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro