June 2, 2004     

The Top 9 Undocumented Features of the
Next Generation iPod and iTunes Devices

9> A special activation code lets you see what those dancing
silhouettes on their TV ads *really* look like.

8> It automatically identifies each song by which commercial it’s
in.

7> Every six weeks, it automatically deletes dated pop music, then
restores it 15 years later when it’s “retro.”

6> Will become self-aware on June 24, 2006. Mission? DESTROY
HUMANS.

5> A secret Mentos-filled compartment, so when old people growl
at you while you’re doing air guitar, you can defiantly pop a
Mentos.

4> At the end of each song, Simon Cowell tells you just how
dreadfully appalling it was.

3> New iPod Extra Super-Mini version is a kicky little
suppository.

2> i35% iExtra iis ifor iEveryone!

and the Number 1 Undocumented Feature of the Next Generation iPod
and iTunes Devices…

1> Helps you steal not only music, but also video, art, poetry,
virginity, bases, thunder and the Colonel’s secret recipe
of eleven herbs and spices.

.

Credits:

Selected from 27 submissions from 9 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Matt Kall, Cleveland Heights, OH — 1, 4 (6th #1!)
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 2, 9, RU list name
Scott Bostick, Lake Ridge, VA — 3
Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA — 5, 6, Banner tag
Reid Kerr, Carthage, TX — 7, 8
Andy Grosser, Boston, MA — Topic
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro