April 10, 2002     

NOTE FROM JEFF:

In case you hadn’t heard, Mariah Carey’s record
company bought her out of the remaining portion of
her $80 million recording contract because of poor
sales of the soundtrack album for her film,
“Glitter” (which, by the way, also flopped). She’s
also had problems in the past year with
“exhaustion.” We here at Top5 Music wish her well.

The Top 8 Things on
Mariah Carey’s To-Do List

8> Enter the Betty Ford Clinic to kick her helium addiction.

7> Call Angelina Jolie to see if she wants to carpool to their
“Whack-Jobs Anonymous” meeting.

6> Resume her debate with William F. Buckley about the legalities
of the War Powers Act and its implications with regard to
conducting a war on terrorism, paying particular attention to
the parallels between the “police action” in Vietnam and the
quasi-war status of America’s current military actions in
Afghanistan.

5> See if she can resurrect her carrer with that all-female
remake of “Ishtar.”

4> Leave flaming bag of dog poop on Britney Spears’s doorstep.

3> Get enough gold stars to get fingerpainting privliges back.

2> Call Anne Heche, see where the Mothership is parked this week.

and the Number 1 Thing on Mariah Carey’s To-Do List…

1> Finally get around to replacing all the broken windows in her
house.

.

Credits:

Selected from 26 submissions from 9 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Eric Landrieu, Burlington, NJ — 1, RU list name (3rd #1!)
David Toth, Charlottesville, VA — 2, 3, 5 (Hat trick!)
Joseph Prisco, Ithaca, NY — 4, 7
Allan Rousselle, Redmond, WA — 6
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 8
Andy Grosser, Boston, MA — Topic
Dave Berman, San Francisco, CA — Banner Tag
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro