January 28, 2004     

The Top 10 Surprises in the
New Season of “American Idol”

10> Contestants must keep singing during the “Joust Round.”

9> In a stunning season finale, the world finally learns Clay
Aiken’s gender.

8> Ryan Seacrest replaced by much less annoying inanimate block
of concrete.

7> Come-from-behind victory for Senator John Kerry.

6> Randy Jackson gets to eat all losing contestants.

5> Paula Abdul once killed a guy in Detroit just to watch him
die.

4> New elimination round involves eating tripe.

3> Loser has to officiate at all subsequent Britney Spears
weddings.

2> Simon Cowell’s ultra-critical rants against no-talent acts
replaced by an angry guy with an assault rifle.

and the Number 1 Surprise in the New Season of “American Idol”…

1> Paula Abdul is declared an enemy combatant and is
indefinitely detained in John Ashcroft’s pants.

.

Credits:

Selected from 41 submissions from 16 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA — 1, 6, 9 (9th #1! Hat trick!)
Scott Bostick, Lake Ridge, VA — 2, 8
Andy Grosser, Boston, MA — 3
Dustin Moskowitz, Skillman, NJ — 4
Curtis Stoddard, Milwaukie, OR — 5
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 7
Reid Kerr, Carthage, TX — 10
Bill Martin, Los Angeles, CA — Topic
Jane McCabe, Laguna Hills, CA — RU list name
Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA — Banner tag
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro