September 7, 2005     

NOTE FROM MATT:

Madonna is back on her feet and headed to
Kabbalah after her 47th birthday was marred by a
horrific horse-riding fall at her country
estate. The Material Girl suffered three cracked
ribs, a broken collarbone and a broken hand.

The Top 7 Surprises
Discovered During Madonna’s Hospital Stay

7> Pursuant to the terms of their divorce, Sean Penn must
receive duplicate injuries before Madonna’s treatmen

begin.

6> Had talent gland removed to make room for fake British accent
gland.

5> To accomodate her sex life during pregnancy, her vagina was
fitted with a revolving door.

4> The Material Girl took the sheets, blankets and curtains with
her.

3> Guy Ritchie has apparently made a total of seven movies with
Madonna. (The other six are stored in an air-tight vault
located in her uterus.)

2> “Oh, so sorry. I thought it was the cone bra that pushed up
the sheet like that.”

and the Number 1 Surprise Discovered During Madonna’s Hospital
Stay…

1> No one’s saying how or where, but doctors found Sandra
Bernhardt’s bracelet!

.

Credits:

Selected from 31 submissions from 11 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 1, 7 (7th #1!)
G. Griebenow, Johannesburg, S. Africa — 2, 4
Gary Reynolds, West Lafayette, IN — 3, 5
Michele Lord, Lincoln, NE — 6
Marty Cole, Fayetteville, NY — Topic
Joseph Prisco, Ithaca, NY — Banner tag
Matt Kall, Cleveland Heights, OH — Backup Singer