August 14, 2002     

NOTE FROM JEFF:

Now that the original crop of rock-and-roll fans
has reached middle age and beyond, it’s time to
re-record some songs with more age-appropriate
titles or lyrics.

The Top 10 Songs
Rewritten for Seniors

10> Elvis Presley, “Hipbreak Hotel”

9> Jethro Tull, “I’m too old to rock and roll, and — no, I guess
that was pretty much it.”

8> Queensryche, “Silent Senility”

7> Foreigner, “(My Feet Are As) Cold As Ice”

6> CSNY (Joni Mitchell), “We are sawdust,/We are rusted,/We are
clogged in the bowel system,/And we’ve got to get ourselves/
Back to the rest room.”

5> Britney Spears, “I’m Not That Incontinent”

4> Huey Lewis and the News, “I Want a New Drug Coverage Plan”

3> Young Rascals, “Doctor, Doctor (Do You Take Medicare?)”

2> Barry White, “Can’t Get It Up for Your Love, Baby”

and the Number 1 Song Rewritten for Seniors…

1> Elton John, Stevie Wonder, Gladys Knight, and Dionne Warwick,
“That’s What Depends Are For”

.

Credits:

Selected from 35 submissions from 13 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Chris White, Los Angeles, CA — 1, 7 (2nd #1!)
Jane McCabe, Laguna Hills, CA — 2, Topic
Jonathan P. Bernick, Conway, SC — 3, RU list name
Thea VanHalsema, Grand Rapids, MI — 4, 8
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — 5
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 6
Bill Martin, Los Angeles, CA — 9
Dave Berman, Berkeley, CA — 10
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — Banner Tag
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro