February 27, 2002     

NOTE FROM JEFF:

Yup, your Maestro had some knee surgery earlier
this week. The bad news: I won’t play piano again
for a few weeks. The good news: I’ll never play
the violin again.
It’s these funky painkillers
that are the really interesting part of post-op,
though. All my CDs sound really, *really* good.
Especially when I put them in a CD player.

The Top 10 Signs Your Maestro Is
High on Post-Op Painkillers (Part I)

10> Keeps curling up on the First Violinist’s lap.

9> He includes the same item twice in the Top5 Music list.

8> Insists on loading the cannon for the “1812 Overture” with
live ammo. And pointing it at the audience.

7> Takes half an hour to conduct the Minute Waltz, not including
the little nap in the middle.

6> His choice of “baton” not only confuses the orchestra, it
violates several state laws.

5> He actually tells the trombones that they can play louder.

4> Goes out on a lark and gets a tattoo… of Leonard Bernstein’s
gastroenterologist.

3> Loudly recites poem from “Nights in White Satin” during the
quiet section — of Mahler’s Fifth.

2> Introduces “Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring” by saying, “Yo! Yo!
YO! A shout-out from MC Johann B. and Tha Brandenburg Posse!”

and the Number 1 Sign Your Maestro Is High on Post-Op
Painkillers…

1> “Help! The Beatles are crawling all over me!”

.

Credits:

Selected from 52 submissions from 16 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 1 (5th #1!)
Jonathan P. Bernick, Conway, SC — 2, 7, 8 (Hat trick!)
Chris White, Los Angeles, CA — 3, 6
Andy Grosser, Boston, MA — 4
Eric Landrieu, Burlington, NJ — 5
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL — 7, 8, 10 (Hat trick!)
David Toth, Charlottesville, VA — 7
Allan Rousselle, Redmond, WA — 9, RU list name
Bill Martin, Los Angeles, CA — Topic
Mark H. Anbinder, Ithaca, NY — Banner tag
Christian Fras, MD, New York, NY — Arthroscopy
Kyle Lipton, MD, New York, NY — Anaesthesia
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro