May 25, 2005     

The Top 8 Signs Your
Band Is About to Split Up

8> Eddie and Alex Van Halen are sitting in the front row at your
concert, taking notes.

7> Your bandmate tells you, “Confidentially, I think this act’s
one person too big.” You’re in a duo.

6> Lead vocalist keeps skipping rehearsals because of “personal
mentoring” appointments with Paula Abdul.

5> “Well, guys, the latest numbers are in. Fourteen-year-o

girls are now 15 and don’t like this music anymore. Thirteen-
year-olds are now 14, but the latest Harry Potter is coming
out, so they’re saving their money. And before I forg

Nick, good luck in your marriage to Jessica.”

4> Lead singer’s liner notes: “Special thanks to the ass-hats
behind me for not screwing up the only three chords they
know.”

3> The customary salutary grunt by the drummer seems forced and
perfunctory.

2> Your lead guitarist is so far in debt he just sold a finger
to Anna Ayala.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Band Is About to Split Up…

1> “I don’t care how good he is or how long we’ve been friends
– we can always find *another* one-armed drummer!”

.

Credits:

Selected from 36 submissions from 13 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Gideon Griebenow, Potchefstroom, S. Africa — 1 (2nd #1!)
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 2, 6
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 3, 7
Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL — 4
Gary Reynolds, West Lafayette, IN — 5
David Toth, Milwaukee, WI — 6, 8
Bill Martin, Los Angeles, CA — Topic
Matt Kall, Cleveland Heights, OH — Banner tag
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro