July 7, 2004     

NOTE FROM JEFF:

INXS, the popular ’80s and ’90s band who lost their
lead singer Michael Hutchence to suicide in 1997,
has signed a deal to do a new reality show. The
winning contestant will become INXS’s new lead
singer for a new album and tour.

The Top 7 Signs You Won’t
Be INXS’s New Lead Singer

7> Your fifteen minutes have already been used up on “The
Apprentice,” Omarosa.

6> During the interview, you repeatedly refer to the band as
“Inkses.”

5> Extreme and Van Halen didn’t want you for very long, either.

4> Your high school yearbook was signed, “I don’t like Mondays.
Or You. — Bob G.”

3> It might’ve worked for Richard Hatch, but showing up for the
audition stark naked didn’t seem to impress the band.

2> Good news: The collagen injections gave you fully, pouty
lips.
Bad news: Now when you sing, you sound like Old Weird Harold
from “Fat Albert.”
Worse news: It’s an improvement.

and the Number 1 Signs You Won’t Be INXS’s New Lead Singer…

1> Your audition included both a wardrobe malfunction and a
bowel malfunction.

.

Credits:

Selected from 26 submissions from 9 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 1 (17th #1!)
Bill Livingston, Decatur, AL — 2, 3, RU list name
Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL — 3, 6
Dustin Moskowitz, Skillman, NJ — 4, 5
Allan Rousselle, Redmond, WA — 7, Banner tag
Bill Martin, Los Angeles, CA — Topic
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro