Previous list: 
March 28, 2007
Your Band’s Breaking Up
9> Now that Mom’s passed on, there’s no one left to help Johnny &
the DUIs get to their gigs.
8> Kept fighting over which Gallagher Brother was less of an
asshole.
7> Apparently, hot chicks do NOT dig polka cover bands.
6> Seven members, five of whom are claiming to be the father of
Anna Nicole’s baby.
5> The rest of the band wants you to share the inflatable pig.
4> Last night the lead singer unexpectedly met Chris Hansen from
Dateline NBC.
3> None of the local clubs will book a band called “John Edwards
is a Faggot.”
2> After Chris’s final gender re-assignment procedure, the obvious
asymmetry makes the whole tube-sock-wearing stunt now seem so
pointless.
would rather beat Jack to death.
Selected from 49 submissions from 17 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:
Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS — 1 (9th #1!)
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 2, 9
Brian Bell, Seattle, WA — 3
Rabbi Crut, McComb, OH — 4, 6, 8 (Hat trick!)
Mike Davis, San Antonio, TX — 5
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 6
Erik Deckers, Syracuse, IN — 7
Matt Kall, Solon, OH — Topic
Bill Martin, Los Angeles, CA — Banner tag
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro
same: Yoko.
(Matt Kall, Solon, OH)
Half the band wanted to perform classic rock covers, half wanted
Gregorian chants.
(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)
Lead guitarist? Pickled.
(Terry Mingle, Cortland, NY)
Your Mom wants to charge rent for the garage.
(Mike Davis, San Antonio, TX)
(Tina Danecke, Edmonton, AB)
You only had three chords to begin with and your guitarist just
broke one.
(Brian Bell, Seattle, WA)
While tolerable when everyone was viewed as equals, there’s
discontent now that you’re billed as “Eric Burmeister, Jr. & the
Assholes.”
(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)
Runners Up list name
(Allan Rousselle, Redmond, WA)