September 3, 2003     

NOTE FROM JEFF:

(Originally published February 12, 1964!)
Did you see those British guys on “The Ed Sullivan
Show” the other night?! Imagine, the nerve of them
coming over here, where rock and roll was invented!

The Top 9 Reasons the
Beatles’ Fifteen Minutes Are Almost Up

9> No one will ever want to listen to songs longer than 2 1/2
minutes or with more than three chords. There’s just no
market for them.

8> That long hair look will never catch on with country-western
fans.

7> Please. Lawrence Welk and Dick Clark won’t even book ‘em on
their shows!

6> But Conway Twitty already did the black suit and skinny tie
outfit *last* year. And four *matching* suits?! That is
*so* Skiffle!

5> They sing, play instruments *and* write their own music??
Their egos will tear them apart in a week!

4> It is painfully obvious that a band like the Beatles will
never achieve the status nor longevity of musical geniuses
such as, say… Herman’s Hermits, or Fabian. Or the Dave
Clark Five — *they’ve* got a full-time organist!

3> Next time if they actually *paid* the guy who painted their
name on that kid’s drum set, they might get it spelled right.

2> How “fab” can you be if your big breakthrough is on a show
hosted by some old baggy-eyed guy with the jowls?

and the Number 1 Reason the Beatles’ Fifteen Minutes Are Almost
Up…

1> No, really, guitar bands are definitely on their way out. Any
day now. I promise.

.

Credits:

Selected from 45 submissions from 16 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 1, 9 (11th #1!)
Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI — 2, 3, 6 (Hat trick!)
Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA — 3, 6
Chris White, Los Angeles, CA — 4, 8
Dustin Moskowitz, Skillman, NJ — 4
Janis Spidle, Kansas City, MO — 4
Tina Danecke, Ottawa, ON — 5
Mark H. Anbinder, Ithaca, NY — 7, Topic
Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS — 7
Mo Schnike, Glenview, IL — 9
Allan Rousselle, Redmond, WA — RU list name
Bill Martin, Los Angeles, CA — Banner tag
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro