August 22, 2007     

Fair and Balanced.

NOTE FROM ANDY:

A couple months ago, Kelly Clarkson (she of
“American Idol” fame) canceled her summer tour,
citing poor ticket sales. Oh, the humanity!

The Top 7 Reasons Kelly
Clarkson’s Summer Tour Was Cancelled

7> She finally got that really romantic phone call she always
wanted… from K-Fed.

6> Preparing blockbuster announcement of her new gig fronting “KC
& the Sunshine Band.”

5> She said no green M&M’s, dammit!

4> Who?

3> Contractual obligation to film “From Justin to Kelly 2″
couldn’t be broken.

2> She’s busy preparing her report to Congress on the progress of
the surge.

and the Number 1 Reason Kelly Clarkson’s Summer Tour Was Cancelled…

1> 0:15:01.

.

Credits:

Selected from 29 submissions from 11 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Eric Landrieu, Burlington, NJ — 1, 3 (7th #1!)
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 2
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — 4
Allan Rousselle, Redmond, WA — 5
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 6
Gary Reynolds, West Lafayette, IN — 7
Brad “Daddy-O” Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — Topic
Brian Drucker, Waterboro, ME — Banner tag
Andy Grosser, Somerville, MA — Maestro

RUNNERS UP list — Disconcerting

Decided that she didn’t want to hit the road on the “Kelly tour
sponsored by Jelly Belly.”

(Roy Opochinski, Toms River, NJ)

Got knocked up in a threeway with last season’s reject duo of the
pudgy slow kid and the bug-eyed “tree baby” guy.

(Brad “Sleepless in Cedar Rapids” Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)

Her manager got all the lip-syncing equipment second-hand from
Ashlee Simpson.

(Gary Reynolds, West Lafayette, IN)

Simon said.

(Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL)

The 8- to 14-year-old girl demographic was bummed to discover they
weren’t going to see *R.* Kelly.

(Brad “What?! *More* poop??” Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)

There’s a time and a place for frivolity. This country’s at war,
you know.

(Stephen Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO)

Runners Up list name

(Allan Rousselle, Redmond, WA)