April 7, 2004     

The Top 9 Reasons It’s Better to Be
a Keyboard Player Than a Guitar Player

9> Eighty-eight chances to get the note right.

8> The endless supply of 50 year-old Yes groupies.

7> Just try writing a song of racial harmony like “Ebony and
Ivory” with a guitar metaphor.

6> Casual sex with tons of groupies isn’t nearly as much fun as
rewatching old videotapes of Elton John in a giant duck suit.

5> Looks very cool to have a cocktail sitting on the piano.
Looks very uncool to have a cup holder attached to

guitar.

4> Women only measure you against Billy and Elton, instead of
against Bruce and Eddie.

3> “Tickling the ivories” is far less likely to get you in trouble
with the FCC than “fingering the G-string.”

2> No big deal if you pee your pants when the firebombs go off,
because you’re hidden behind your rig.

and the Number 1 Reason It’s Better to Be a Keyboard Player Than
a Guitar Player…

1> Hendrix choked on his own vomit. Billy Joel is still pulling
down ten mil a year. You do the math.

.

Credits:

Selected from 41 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL — 1 (14th #1!)
Chris White, Los Angeles, CA — 2
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 3, 7, 9 (Hat trick!)
Matt Kall, Cleveland Heights, OH — 4
Janis Spidle, Kansas City, MO — 5
Bill Martin, Los Angeles, CA — 6
Scott Bostick, Lake Ridge, VA — 8
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — Topic
Gideon Griebenow, Potchefstroom, S. Africa — RU list name
Eric Landrieu, Burlington, NJ — RU list name
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia — Banner tag
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro