March 19, 2003     

NOTE FROM JEFF:

The RIAA is blaming Napster. The artists are
blaming the RIAA. Bush is blaming the liberals…
well, not really. But you get the point. Who’s
*really* at fault?

The Top 9 Real Reasons the
Recording Industry Is in Financial Trouble

9> A thousand bucks a week just doesn’t buy as much cocaine and
Viagra as it used to.

8> Somebody, somewhere, signed a contract with Michael Jackson
saying they’d pay for all his legal expenses and plastic
surgery.

7> Why buy a CD when I can use the ‘net to download free music
*and* get a bigger penis?

6> “And to ensure our financial success, we’ll invest in Enron!”

5> Spent all their money proving Britney was a virgin and
researching how to further reduce the surface area of
Christina’s clothing.

4> Sony put everything it had behind Michael Jackson’s
unfortunately-titled new single, “Baby Bounces Back.”

3> Metallica gets $1 every time someone in the RIAA says the
name “Metallica.”

2> “Those people with talent cost too much. Who can we get for
$50?”

and the Number 1 Real Reason the Recording Industry Is in
Financial Trouble…

1> All the good World Music artists are being held in
Guantanamo.

.

Credits:

Selected from 32 submissions from 13 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 1, 4 (9th #1!)
Matt Kall, Cleveland Heights, OH — 2
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH — 3, 6, 8 (Hat trick!)
Mo Schnike, Glenview, IL — 5
Janis Spidle, Kansas City, MO — 5
Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA — 5
Whit Watson, West Hartford, CT — 7, 9
Jane McCabe, Laguna Hills, CA — 9
Dave Berman, Oakland, CA — Topic
Allan Rousselle, Redmond, WA — Topic
Mark H. Anbinder, Ithaca, NY — Banner Tag
Bill Martin, Los Angeles, CA — RU list name
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro