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June 26, 2002      Share

Last week, Piano Man Billy Joel checked himself
into Silver Hill Hospital in Connecticut to treat
a “personal problem,” rumored to be related to
chemical dependency. We here at Top5 Music wish
him a speedy and successful recovery, but – not
having been through what he’s going through – we
wouldn’t presume to offer him any advice.
That wouldn’t stop some of his peers, though…

The Top 8 Pieces of Advice
Other Musicians Are Giving Billy Joel

8> Cher: “I’ve got one word for you, Bill: Plastics.”

7> Michael Jackson: “I’ve discovered that the stuff they put in
the bleach trays at the dentist gives you a *great* buzz when
you rub it all over your body!”

6> Ozzy Osbourne: “If you run into Whitney Houston, tell her the
[bleep]ing Prince of Detox says hello.”

5> Britney Spears: “Oh, you are, like, too totally old to be
partying! It’s, like, so gross!”

4> Yo-Yo Ma: “Billy, it’s all right. Some people just can’t
handle the stress of classical.”

3> Lou Bega: “Well, sir, I personally like the Big Mac, but the
Chicken McNuggets are good, too. Either way, if you could
decide quickly, you’re holding up the line and I’m the only
register open.”

2> Liza Minelli: “Start by admitting from cradle to tomb isn’t
that long a stay. Rehab’s no cabaret, old chum; I’m just a cab
away, old chum; Come share my cabernet!”

and the Number 1 Piece of Advice Other Musicians Are Giving Billy
1> R Kelly: “Honesty may be such a lonely word, but Statutory is
pretty bad, too.”



Selected from 30 submissions from 11 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Reid Kerr, Carthage, TX — 1 (2nd #1!)
Jane McCabe, Laguna Hills, CA — 2 (Rookie!)
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH — 3
Matt Kall, Cleveland Heights, OH — 4, Topic, Banner tag
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 5
Jonathan P. Bernick, Conway, SC — 6
Jeff Conner, San Jose, CA — 7
Dave Berman, Berkeley, CA — 8, RU list name
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro