November 1, 2006     

Willie doesn’t buy his weed here anymore.

The Top 8 Other Uses for a Violin Bow
(Part II)

8> It’s edible if you get stranded while hiking, assuming you
took your violin on your hike.

7> Asscrack flosser.

6> Melodically whip your horse to victory!

5> That, kind sir, is between me and my wife… but let me say
that rosin is quite useful!

4> Perform emergency tracheotomy and amputation after that
horrific music stand accident. (MacGyver only)

3> Cleaning the barbecue grill has never sounded so good.

2> Help start fires if the orchestra crashes in the Andes.

and the Number 1 Other Use for a Violin Bow…

1> Used on high voltage power lines, they produce a stunningly
rich, soulful tone. Trust me, try it.

.

Credits:

Selected from 55 submissions from 20 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 1 (16th #1!)
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 2
Whit Watson, Winter Park, FL — 3, 6
Dustin Moskowitz, Skillman, NJ — 4, 5
Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA — 7
Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA — 8
Bill Martin, Los Angeles, CA — Topic
Brian Bell, Seattle, WA — Banner tag
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro

RUNNERS UP list — Violin Boo

Instructing congressional pages.

(Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX)

Help dig out that annoying piccolo the tuba player threw down his
bell.

(Dustin Moskowitz, Skillman, NJ)

Garroting that Bond villain posing as an obnoxious, prank-playing
tuba player in the philharmonic… or even if he’s not, the fat
bastard deserves it.

(Brad Simanek, Cedar Rapids, IA)

Runners Up list name

(Bill Martin, Los Angeles, CA)