October 2, 2002     

The Top 9 Other Uses for a Flute

9> Use to bludgeon to death the next person who says, “This one
time, at band camp….”

8> Blow-gun to once and for all bring down John Popper.

7> For packing the gun powder when loading “Baby’s First Cannon.”

6> For beating senseless all the members of every boy band…
EVER.

5> Bring tears of joy to members of the fruit world by using it
as a splint to straighten out all those poor, deformed
bananas.

4> Killing Miss Scarlet in the Billiard Room.

3> You know those things that they put in Preparation H boxes?
Well, now you have one for your horse.

2> “Only the purest of conscience and the bravest of spirit can
save our village by driving a silver-plated flute directly
into the heart of the dreaded beast, Zamfir!”

and the Number 1 Other Use for a Flute…

1> Drive the rats out of my pants.

.

Credits:

Selected from 48 submissions from 17 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 1 (2nd #1!)
Andy Grosser, Boston, MA — 2
Jeff Conner, San Jose, CA — 3, Topic
Doug Finney, Houston, TX — 4
Brian Foster, Fairfax, VA — 5
Mo Schnike, Glenview, IL — 6, 7
Slick Sharkey, Miami, FL — 8
Joseph Prisco, Ithaca, NY — 9
David Toth, Milwaukee, WI — RU list name
Bill Martin, Los Angeles, CA — Banner tag
Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — Maestro