NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

Yes, Johnny Knoxville may finally achieve
superstardom with a role in the upcoming
“Dukes of Hazzard,” but we knew him waaaay
back in MTV’s “Jackass”…

The Top 9 Things We’d Have Seen If
Johnny Knoxville Ran the Presidential Debates

9> They’re renamed “The 2004 Presidential Candidate Buttock Wrestle.”

8> The winner would be the person who produced the biggest flame from lighting his own gas.

7> A guy in a Saddam mask kicks the candidates in the balls after every rebuttal.

6> The moderator is Wee Man the midget; the 30-second warning is given with air horns.

5> Questions may only be answered in belch-speak.

4> Twelve-volt batteries inside the podiums are hard-wired to the candidates’ testicles.

3> Nader crashes the debate, covered in Cheez Whiz and ravenous rats.

2> Candidates have two minutes to give themselves as many papercuts as possible.

and the Number 1 Thing We’d Have Seen If Johnny Knoxville Ran the
Presidential Debates…

1> The same as any other debate, except it’s held in a crocodile pit wearing raw meat diapers.

.

Credits:

Selected from 25 submissions from 7 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

William C. Martell, Studio City, CA — 1, 5, 9
(3-picture deal!)
John English, Orem, UT — 2
Brandon Hunt, Braintree, MA — 3
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 4, 7
Scott Bostick, Lake Ridge, VA — 4
Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 6
Janis Spidle, Kansas City, MO — 8
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA — Registered and Decided