March 2nd, 2007



NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:
Well, Scorcese finally won an Oscar.
But how does the average celeb know
if they should just hang it up?


The Top 9 Signs You’re a Has-Been


9> Gary Coleman is your agent.

8> “The Surreal Life” won’t return your calls.

7> McDonald’s makes you wait 45 minutes for a table.

6> You used to be a Bond girl. Now you’re a Gold Bond girl.

5> Your old friend Michael Richards thinks it would be better for his career if you stopped hanging out with him.

4> You stalk the paparazzi to try to give them photos of your pantyless hoo-ha.

3> Your Wikipedia entry was removed because “Nobody gives a rat’s ass.”

2> The Confetti Manufacturers Association expresses an interest in purchasing every copy of your autobiography.

and the Number 1 Sign You’re a Has-Been…

1> You still have your legwarmers from your “Facts of Life” guest-spot.




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Credits:

Selected from 35 submissions from 10 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

John English, Orem, UT — 1, 8
Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 2, 7
Brandon Hunt, Braintree, MA — 3, 4, 5 (Three-pic deal!)
Stephen A. Segall, Poplar Bluff, MO — 4
Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA — 6
Rabbi Crut, McComb, OH — 8
Danny Gallagher, Henderson, TX — 9
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA — Not Famous Yet