NOTE FROM ERIC:

Columbia Pictures, and its parent company Sony, has
been apologizing all week after it was revealed that
film critic David Manning — who always had glowing
things to say about Columbia’s various movies — doesn’t
even exist, and was merely an invention of their marketing
department to convince moviegoers to see critically
dubious films like “The Animal” or “A Knight’s Tale.”
To help avoid further confusion, we offer this handy guide:

The Top 9 Signs a
Movie Review is Fake

9> The review of “Pink Flamingos” reads: “Divine is as full of crap as I am!”

8> The phrase “move over, ‘Gone With The Wind’!” seems a little overblown for a “Revenge of the Nerds” sequel.

7> The use of brackets (”A [stunning, touching, and heartfelt] movie [for the ages]”) appears a bit labored.

6> When asked to review a low budget, independent film, he spits out pages and pages of error messages before blowing up.

5> The review for “Malcolm X” hailing it as “better than any of the first nine!” seems a little odd.

4> “Perhaps the biggest treat in this delicious feast of a movie is its spectacular marketing campaign, spearheaded by ad copy writer Ed Schwartz…”

3> Describes “Freddie Got Fingered” as “Shakespeare’s greatest work EVER!!!”

2> Little drops of silicone drip out from the sides of the review.

and the Number 1 Sign a Movie Review is Fake…

1> You’re pretty sure no one uses the notation: “Two Tongues Up!”

.

Credits:

Selected from 43 submissions from 11 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA — 1
Jude Benlab, Swarthmore, PA — 2, 3
Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 4, 8
Clifton J. Gray, Tucson, AZ — 5
Jennifer A. Ford, Ft. Wayne, IN — 6
Zachary Brewster-Geisz, Greenbelt, MD — 7
Buce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 9
Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — Runners Up list name
Eric F. Lipton, Washington, DC — Topic, Script Doctor