The Top 9 Signs a
Film Is Going to Bomb

9> “Barry Manilow IS Glitter 2″

8> The good news: Two household Hollywood names above the title. The bad news: Those names are Blake and Simpson.

7> Ebert and Roeper’s review consists of seven minutes of projectile vomiting.

6> Look out evil… here comes Schwarzenegger, Coleman and the Green Acres pig in… Arnold Cubed!

5> Title contains the words “Osama” and “nude.”

4> “Moulin Rouge” was such a hit, theyre sure to love our avant garde, musical retelling of “Schindler’s List!”

3> “If you liked ‘Weekend at Bernie’s 2′ and ‘Look Who’s Talking 3′ then you’ll love…”

2> The trailer features “I Got You” by James Brown. Performed by Smashmouth. Featuring solos by Gwen Stefani and “Dude, You’re Getting a Dell” guy.

and the Number 1 Sign a Film Is Going to Bomb…

1> Winona keeps stealing every scene she’s in. And the costumes. And the kleig lights…

.

Credits:

Selected from 19 submissions from 8 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 1, 6, 7 (Hat trick!)
Jeremy Horowitz, Skokie, IL — 2
Jude Benlab, Swarthmore, PA — 2, 4
Kim Moser, New York, NY — 2, 5
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH — 3
Marko Peric, Prince Edward Island, Canada — 8
Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 9
Eric F. Lipton, Chicago, IL — Script Doctor