NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

Wal-Mart has introduced a “family-friendly”
DVD player, pre-programmed to instantly delete
scenes containing sex, violence or rough language.

The Top 8 Side Effects of
the “Family-Friendly” DVD Player

8> “The Sopranos: Season One”: “Hey, Tony….” (end credits)

7> Player not only deletes offensive scenes, but *repeats* sappy ones.

6> Adults bribe their kids to show them how to bypass the parental controls.

5> Everyone realizes Sharon Stone is actually kind of a bad actress.

4> No pause or rewind, just 32x Fast Forward.

3> All female characters now in digitized, floor-length burkas.

2> “Friday the 13th” movies just endless shots of lone kids walking down hallways.

and the Number 1 Side Effect of the “Family-Friendly” DVD
Player…

1> Hannibal Lecter seems less like a bad guy, more like a friendly chef.

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Credits:

Selected from 30 submissions from 9 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Brandon Hunt, Braintree, MA — 1, 6 (7th #1)
John English, Orem, UT — 2, 5
Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 3, 8
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 3
Danny Gallagher, Henderson, TX — 4
Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 5
Kim Moser, New York, NY — 7
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA — The BLEEPin’ List Editor,
Ya MotherBLEEPer! BLEEP!!