NOTE FROM ERIC:

It’s the Great American Smokeout this week,
and given Hollywood’s love/hate relationship with
Tobacco, we thought this would be an appropriate list…

The Top 9 Repercussions if Everyone
in Hollywood Quit Smoking All at Once

9> All of a sudden, guys who eat Tootsie Rolls are considered dangerous and sexy.

8> Calista Flockhart frequently mistaken for Rosie O’Donnell.

7> Studio executives suddenly realize that Adam Sandler isn’t funny at all. (Oh, did you mean tobacco?)

6> Rhett feels so great, he carries Scarlett up the stairs five more times.

5> Yul Brenner and John Wayne suddenly pop back to life.

4> Entire cast of “Alien” actively seeks out face-sucking spider — why should just John Hurt get put out of his misery?

3> Film-noir style curling smoke replaced with the Nicorette patch suspended by string.

2> “You know what they call a quarter pounder with cheese in Paris?” “Who the @$%# cares — give me a goddamn cigarette.”

and the Number 1 Repercussion if Everyone in Hollywood Quit
Smoking All at Once…

1> Luke quickly killed by healthy, clean-breathing Darth Vader.

.

Credits:

Selected from 69 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Eric M. Wakeford, Niagara Falls, ON — 1, 2
Jude Benlab, Swarthmore, PA — 1
Zachary Brewster-Geisz, Greenbelt, MD — 3, 4
Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 3, 5
Bruce W. Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 6
Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 7
Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD — 8
Greg Preece, Toronto, ON — 9
Clifton J. Gray, Tucson, AZ — RU Name
Eric F. Lipton, Washington, DC — Script Doctor