May 19th, 2006



NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:
Charlie Sheen’s ex, actress Denise Richards,
filed a blistering legal document to support
her divorce case, including allegations of
gambling addiction, questionable porn sites
and screaming death threats.


The Top 9 Reasons Why
Charlie Sheen Is Angry


9> Fuel crisis has driven up the cost of cruising for hookers by 28%.

8> Still can’t believe Affleck has an Oscar and he doesn’t.

7> Sat down to watch “The Sixth Sense” for the first time and Denise told him, “Oooh, Bruce Willis like, totally dies in the first few minutes!”

6> Mom threw away his best porno mags.

5> Oh sure, she’ll have a threesome with Neve Campbell on camera, but the second you bring her home, it’s all Snow White.

4> Can you blame him? All those pop-up ads on XX sites are enough to drive any man insane!

3> You do “Wall Street” and “Platoon,” and all anyone remembers you from is that two-minute scene in “Ferris Bueller.”

2> Still has recurring nightmares about everyone making fun of him for marrying the worst Bond girl ever.

and the Number 1 Reason Why Charlie Sheen Is Angry…

1> Emilio stopped giving him an extra bag of fries with his order.




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Credits:

Selected from 29 submissions from 8 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Brandon Hunt, Braintree, MA — 1, 8, 9 (Three-picture deal!)
John English, Orem, UT — 2
Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 3
Kim Moser, New York, NY — 4
Ryan Garcia, Austin, TX — 5
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH — 6, 7
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 9
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA — Passed Into “Bitter”