NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

“Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life” took in less than half
the box office that the original did. “The only thing
we can attribute it to,” one clueless executive
claimed, “is that gamers were not happy with the
latest version of the video game.”

The Top 8 Reasons the Tomb
Raider Sequel Has Done Poorly

8> Most people have already seen it — back when it was called “Raiders of the Lost Ark.”

7> Grave desecration films just don’t pull ‘em in like they used to.

6> Angelina looks so pale since she lost access to Billy Bob’s blood.

5> Jolie’s relationship with her brother makes even the geeks who took their sisters to the prom a little queasy.

4> Do you have any idea how many tickets Billy Bob bought to the first movie?

3> Lara lugging that kid all over the place is a real downer.

2> You mention “Angelina Jolie” and “the cradle of life” in one sentence and most men don’t think of Africa, if you know what I mean.

and the Number 1 Reason the Tomb Raider Sequel Has Done Poorly…

1> If we wanted to watch a couple of boobs shooting every living thing in sight, we would’ve seen “Bad Boys II.”

.

Credits:

Selected from 28 submissions from 9 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX — 1 (3rd #1)
Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA — 2, 8
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 3
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH — 4
Janis Spidle, Kansas City, MO — 5, 6
Scott Bostick, address unknown — 7
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA — List porter