NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

Well, poor Nicolas Cage and, oh, “celebrity
daughter” Lisa Marie Presley have called it quits
after nearly *four* months of marriage…

The Top 8 Reasons for
the Cage/Presley Divorce

8> Due to Face/Off confusion, all this time she thought she had married John Travolta.

7> Just trying to keep pace with Liz and Zsa-Zsa.

6> She stepped on his blue suede shoes! Thank you, I’m here all week!

5> She kept bugging him to get Uncle Francis to cast her in “Godfather IV”.

4> Calculated publicity stunt designed to vault them both past John Tesh on the “Hot Celebs” list.

3> Now that Angelina and Billy Bob have split up, the glare for “Weirdest Couple in Hollywood” was just too bright to bear.

2> He’s already collected on all his bets that it wouldn’t last two months.

and the Number 1 Reason for the Cage/Presley Divorce…

1> Once you go black, or, well, kinda black, but really, now that I think about it, pretty white, but not born white of course, but like, trying to deny you’re black… you never go back.

.

Credits:

Selected from 25 submissions from 9 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Beth Kujawski, Crown Point, IN — 1, 3, 7 (Three pic deal!)
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 2, 4, 7 (Three pic deal!)
Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 5
Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 6
Kim Moser, New York, NY — 8
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA — King of (Soda) Pop