NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

Screenwriter William Goldman once explained how tens of
millions of dollars could be spent on a film yet no one
would go see it, and how an executive could lose his or
her million-dollar job over that, yet find another one
immediately. The problem, stated Goldman about movies,
was that “nobody knows anything” (for certain).

The Top 9 Proofs That
Nobody Knows Anything

9> No one seems to learn that a popular singer does NOT an actor make.

8> “Weekend at Bernie’s 2,” “Look Who’s Talking” 2 and 3, “Police Academy” 2 through 9, “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2″… um, how much time you got?

7> Ever actually *listened* to Susan Sarandon?

6> Nine — count ‘em, NINE — full-length “Land Before Time” movies.

5> Ben Affleck and Paul Newman have the same number of Oscars.

4> Lorne Michaels is probably still trying to do a “Matt Foley: Motivational Speaker” movie.

3> “From Justin to Kelly” played at the same time as “Dumb and Dumberer.” C’mon, people, they can’t accidently wander into both theatres at the same time!

2> Denzel Washington: critically-acclaimed, award-winning actor — $20 mil per film. Jim Carrey, ass-ventriloquist — $25 mil per film.

and the Number 1 Proof That Nobody Knows Anything…

1> The big-screen comic book trend is finally dwindling to a movie starring Goofus and Gallant from “Highlights.”

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Credits:

Selected from 21 submissions from 7 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Janis Spidle, Kansas City, MO — 1, 9 (5th #1)
Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA — 2, 5
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH — 3, 8
Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station, VA — 4, 6
Arthur Levesque, Laurel, MD — 7
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA — List Guru