NOTE FROM KRISTIAN:

The Top 9 New Year’s
Horoscopes for Hollywood

9> Libra: Do not accept any work for scale today. Your career may be in the balance.

8> Scorpio: Ignore your urge to rehash the past — nobody wants to see a remake of “The Sting.”

7> Aquarius: “Spanglish” was a step up, but don’t start counting your Oscars yet, Waterboy.

6> Pisces: Box-office failure is in your future. Take that sitcom offer now.

5> Scorpio: That sting you feel is just the Botox.

4> Gemini: Take special care to insure your twin eats *and* retains all her food today.

3> Aries: Use your ability as a batterer to fight off Liza Minnelli.

2> Taurus: The next time you’re drinking and you spot a tipsy Russell Crowe at the end of the bar, don’t tell him his “Beautiful Mind” is up his ass.

and the Number 1 New Year’s Horoscope for Hollywood…

1> Aquarius: Resist wagering with the man who refills the water coolers in your office. He may really *be* Ben Affleck.

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Credits:

Selected from 20 submissions from 6 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Scott Bostick, Lake Ridge, VA — 1 (8th #1)
Danny Gallagher, Henderson, TX — 2
Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 3, 5
Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 4, 9
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA — 7, 8
John English, Orem, UT — 6
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA — Capricorn Number One*