The Top 9 Nativity Scene Rewrites

9> Three Asian drag queens set out across the Vegas desert to find their missing she-boyfriends: Frank, Incense and Mervyn.

8> Three Wise Guys show up to collect protection money for the manger so no one hassles Joe, Mary and their new kid.

7> “Dude, Where’s My Savior?”

6> Mary (played by Susan Lucci) kneels down beside the babe and confesses that the child is really the son of Joseph’s evil twin, who everyone thought was dead!

5> In a huge camel chase, Bruce Willis safely rushes everyone out of the manger seconds before it blows to pieces.

4> Baby Jesus played by Dakota Fanning.

3> And the Three Wise Guests brought with them bags of assorted food, each containing a French bread roll sticking out of the top.

2> Mary isn’t pregnant — that’s a bomb strapped to her belly!

and the Number 1 Nativity Scene Rewrite…

1> The donkey’s role is simplified to allow the casting of Johnny Knoxville.

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Credits:

Selected from 43 submissions from 12 contributors.
This week’s list authors are:

Scott Witmer, Hanover, PA — 1
Scott Bostick, Lake Ridge, VA — 2
G. Griebenow, Johannesburg, S. Africa — 3
Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS — 4
Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 5
Judith Cotrill, Bronx, NY — 6
Kate Melnyk, Tewksbury, MA — 6
Jim G. Phynn, Horsham, PA — 7
Ryan Garcia, Austin, TX — 7, 9
John English, Orem, UT — 8
Kristian “Kringle” Idol, Burbank, CA — List Ho