NOTE FROM ERIC:

Things are looking grim for poor Winona Ryder. Accused of
shoplifting more than $4,800 from a Beverly Hills store,
the actress has been charged with one count each of
grand theft, commercial burglary, vandalism and possession
of a controlled substance.
What on Earth did she abscond with to meritsuch
serious charges?

The Top 9 Items
Shoplifted By Winona Ryder

9> A frumious bandersnatch.

8> Several tons of publicity.

7> Hardback copy of “The Robert Downey Jr. Career-Enhancement Course for Young Celebrities.”

6> Plankton. Like all blue whales, Winona must eat 9,000 pounds of plankton a day to survive.

5> An original of Oliver Wendell Holmesí watershed tome: “Property Rights In America”.

4> Secret government microfilm detailing C.I.A.’s anti-terror American Quilt-making program.

3> Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, Nine for the mortal men doomed to die, and a Prada blouse.

2> Sweat. Because she wants fame, but fame costs.

and the Number 1 Item Shoplifted By Winona Ryder…

1> Old English 800 and some Ho-Hos.

.

Credits:

Selected from 38 submissions from 12 contributors.
Today’s Top 5 List authors are:

Douglas Jones, Santa Cruz, CA — 1, 8
Ian Ravdin, Santa Monica, CA — 2
Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 3, 5, 9
Jude Benlab, Swarthmore, PA — 4, 6
Danny Gallagher, Austin, TX — 4
Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 7
Jennifer A. Ford, Ft. Wayne, IN — 8
Eric F. Lipton, Washington, DC — Script Doctor